IT'S MY BIRTHDAY !!!

i got a good laugh out of this when the homegirl emailed it to me... so here you niggers go =]

No Sex Tonight

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so
much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have
never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into
bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel
like it, I just want you to hold me."

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...
"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me
to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look
by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in
the bedroom?"

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with
her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big
unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on
several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to
take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to
compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We
went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond
earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was
one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because
she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play
tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."
She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.
Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all
dear, let's go to the cashier."

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel
like it."

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled
WHAT?"

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're
just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy
your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she
was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and
not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either.

"what are you gonna do when you get that one girl who makes you fall?  and when you do fall for her, she walks all over your heart and laughs at your emotions..."  -Irwin

dammit O_O

great day today... some bitch fuckin broke into my car and stole my deck and amp, not to mention my registration and insurance.  the worst part of all though... they took my original nissan 1991 owner's manual.  that's fucking gay.

they're stupid though, they left so much shit in there that's worth alot more than my deck and amp.  but hey, no reason to say what they left ;]

AND they left my sub.  what the fuck?  youre gonna steal an amp and a deck but no sub?  damn, some people on this earth are really smart....  fuckin bitches, i WISH you'd come to my house with the address on my registration...  time to fuck some shit up, i feel like killin someone right now.  AND they fucked up my passenger side lock.  that's fucked up.  don't you know how easy it is to get into our cars with just a clothes hanger?  it's alot easier and alot quicker than a screwdriver to the lock.  smart fucks...

goodness gracious...my freaking internet was broken for like 2 weeks and now all of a sudden it works again!  computers are a wonder of modern technology...  fuckin gay ass shit, i fuckin tried everything to fix this piece of shit and it didnt work, and now, a week after i try all the things i know to fix it (which are actually quite a few things), it fucking works out of the middle of nowhere.  great invention fucking assfaces of the 50's!!!

in other news, i hope everyone had a good valentines day!  i know i did =]